waves..
I’ve been switching back and forth between waves of my stomach clenching and waves of being completely at peace with this. I slept phenomenally well last night…I think that now that it is more official, though that concept makes my stomach a bit more uneasy, there are fewer ‘what if’ arguments and doubts in my head as..I picked the path. I know why I picked the one I did and am relatively okay with it. And I can’t control anything beyond that.
Any doubts/what ifs/whatever are exclusively detrimental at this point; so if any attempt to rise, I automatically dismiss them. For the most part though, it seems my brain has accepted the ‘what will be will be’ and has thus ceased in raising its concerns.
Anyway, now that the decision is made, the ball is rolling..and thus it’s almost as if I’ve reached the point of surgery – the point where this is ‘over’ and I can now collapse. I surely slept last night as if I had..
pttd surgery 
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